Monday, November 27, 2006

Someone needs to get some crazy pills......

As most of you know, I am a dog walker. Most of my clients are in the same area so when I go out walking with them it's always around the same place and to the same parks etc. I tend to see people on a regular basis that live in the neighborhood. Most of them I talk with or say hello to as I am passing by. Most of the time when there is other dogs at the park with their owners I will chat with the owners while the dogs play or whatever. There is one lady however I avoid EVERY time and even if I just got to the park I will turn around and walk the other way because I just cannot handle her craziness.

You see the first handful of times I saw her it was at a distance and I never spoke with her. She wears this oriental style hat, big black gloves and a bandana up over her face. She has 2 dogs who I actually feel sorry for. They seem decently taken care of, but who really wants to live with a crazy lady. At first I didn't know she was crazy, at first I just thought that maybe she had a skin condition and she couldn't be exposed to the sun. Turns out it's some gothic reasoning. I also for the longest time thought she was oriental. I totally do not mean that in a racist way but generally the only time I see people wearing those style of hats it is an oriental woman.

The first encounter I ever had with her was short. There is an aids hospice next to the park where I take my dogs. There is this one guy I see at least twice a day and he always makes a point of coming to say hi to the dogs. He was standing talking with me this day when she walked by and asked me what kind of dog I had. As I started to answer her her dog went up to the guy and she said "get away from the faggot!" My jaw about hit the ground I was so shocked. How do you just say something like that to someone!? I wanted to tell her off but I was too shocked to say anything. He just laughed and said "she is always like that, shes the crazy in this neighborhood."

My next encounter with her I was lucky enough to be engaged in some fascinating conversation with her that really let me know just how crazy she was. I was at the park sitting reading my book while the dog I was walking was doing dog stuff, you know......Sniffing, rolling around in dirt etc....I had no chance at escape as one of her dogs came running right over to us and she was not far behind him. Right away she started peppering me with questions.....What kind of dog? What's his name? Is he yours? Where did you get him? Does he sleep on a mattress?????? WHAT? I made the mistake of asking her what she meant.....She proceeded to tell me that if you get a mattress ( and she meant an actual mattress that we sleep on) for your dog that they will be happier and have a better quality of life and posture etc. Uh ok......I tried to say I had to go and started to walk away but she walked with me. She told me all about her bike and where I should go to buy one, she told me about bakeries that give her free bread. I thought yeah if you walk in there with that bandana on your face they prob give it you for free cause they think you are robbing them. Anyways......Eventually our conversation turned in a direction that really let me know she wasn't all there. She invited me to go to this protest type thing downtown Boston the following day protesting psychiatrists and psychologists and how their medication was killing the people of America. Hmmmm, now that I think of it maybe she is friends with Tom Cruise. I finally was able to get away from her that day and have pretty much avoided her ever since. Other people I know have not been so lucky. Once day she told my friend Chris (whose dog Maggie I used to walk) that it was wrong of the masonry people to be working on the bricks on the buildings because they were "de-nuding them."

She is all sorts of wacked. The other day Chris and I were driving home after he had picked me up for the day and we saw her out riding her bike, hat and all. She was riding on the road going the same direction as us. As we were approaching a fairly busy intersection she cut over to the left side of the traffic as if she was going to go left. We had a green light and as we were going through she popped out of nowhere from the left, jumped off her bike and walked right in front of us. Chris had to hit his breaks or he would have hit her. He also felt the need to honk at her to let her know we were there and she needed to move. As soon as he honked she lunged towards the vehicle, at first I thought she was going to punch the windshield but instead she just got real close and yelled you !#%@ing @*$^&sucker!!! Wow, the RAGE! A few mins later as we were sitting in traffic we saw her coming our way in the rearview mirror. We both starting laughing as Chris said she reminded him of the wicked witch of the west riding her bike saying "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!!"

So there is your story for the day, I hope you enjoyed and watch out for the crazies out there.

13 comments:

Jenn said...

She sounds scary not to mention crazy. Makes you wonder what the heck is going on in that mind of hers. Stay away from her Evey, who knows what she is capeable of doing to you... and your little dogs too.

Lori said...

Gee wiz! That is freaky. Maybe you should move back to Canada where you know we are all normal. LOL!!!
Gosh that story is sending me shivers. I am afraid for you...maybe you should not walk those dogs in that area anymore. Go elsewhere. Or put a stick through her spokes.

Andrea said...

LOL! That's hilarious! Thanks for the laugh! Watch out for that one!

Vegas Princess said...

Wow...talak about a menace to society. She's the one breaking the rules of the road and she gets upset. CRAZY!!!

Maybe she is horribly disfigured and wears the bandana to hide her hideousness.

Evey said...

No I have seen her face, she always takes it off when she talks to you. she is just crazy.

Jodi said...

Eeek! I would find a different place to walk the dogs. She sounds scary and crazy!

Tammy & Jeremy said...

That's so funny! It reminded me of that whacked out man you and I met in Edmonton. The one who claimed he had precious diamonds held in a safety deposit box underground in some foreign country. I think he also met Elvis too...after he died! haha!

At least you don't have to go to the comedy club anymore. It sounds like you are pretty entertained just by walking the dogs everyday.

Oh, and PS....
My friend saw this girl across a crowded room one time and thought it was me so he went up to her, tapped her on the shoulder and...VIOLA...it was an oriental girl. Just goes to show that some of us actually do look oriental - at least from a distance!

Desiree said...

Oh my! Try and keep safe while walking the dogs, or driving anywhere for that matter!

Leslie said...

Oh my!!

Alison said...

LOL!!! Good times for you!

kristen said...

perhaps instead of protesting the psychiatrists and psychologists of america, she should be seeing a few of them...(either that of some sort of drug centre, because she sounds either mentally unstable or on drugs...perhaps both?). hopefully she doesn't end up hurting someone or herself with her dances in traffic...

Better Safe Than Sorry said...

what scares me more in that movie are those monkeys!!!
i envy you being able to walk those dogs, i walk mine but i had to break down and get her a harness, we went to school but i must have failed, i can't get her to stop pulling. anyway, that's my dog walking story:) no witches involved.

QueenieCarly said...

So you are a dog walker! That's so cool! I so envy your job. It must be bliss! Aside from encounters with freaks, that is. So, when she was screaming at the car, did she recognize you or what? I'll be interested to hear what happens next time you cross paths. I guess sleeping in the lap of luxury is the price her dogs'll have to pay for living wiht an absolute nut!