Wednesday, April 25, 2007

CLARITY -- BLOG OFF FOR BREAST CANCER

CLARITY -- Clearness and accuracy of thought, reasoning and expression
This word was a tough one for me. I sat here at the computer for hours on end really struggling to find a direction. I am still not sure I have found exactly what I am looking for in regards to what I really want to say, but perhaps in my search of what to write on the word clarity I have found some clarity for myself.
I am certain we all have searched and longed for some form of clarity at different times in our lives. Moments when you so desperately need an answer and some reassurance. Clarity.
When my mum passed away in 1996 I lost all sense of clarity and understanding in my life. It was like that for a long while. I floated through my life, I had no direction and I questioned whether I would ever truly be happy. Everything I had ever known and thought seemed to be gone in an instant. Perhaps that is a feeling that only losing someone so close to you can bring about, I don't really know. What I do know is that then more than ever I needed clarity and I struggled to find it. A few years later, I finally came to the realization that to find the clearer picture I was so desperately searching for, maybe I needed to be elsewhere to do it. Somewhere where nobody knew me, where nobody knew about my mum passing away and where nobody knew of the things I had done in my life. A chance to start over, a chance to look for the answers I was searching for. A new beginning to find the clarity, the reasoning and the understanding of the events in my own life that eluded me for so long.
I packed up what I could into my little Chevy Sprint and I was off to a new beginning to an awesome chapter in my life. I didn't know it at the time, but making the decision to leave the only place I had ever known would turn out to be all the understanding I needed.
Shortly after I arrived in Vancouver, I questioned my decision to leave behind my family and my friends. Once again I felt like I had no clue. And all I wanted was a little CLARITY!
I met Chris in November 2001. We met online. He was in Seattle, I was in Vancouver. We quickly became friends, and soon after that we met for the first time and not long after that we realized that this was more than a friendship. We both realized the potential for something much more than that. And there it was, right in front of me. Through all of the confusion and trials and times where I didn't think I would ever understand or figure things out. There was my clarity. Things were clearer than they had ever been. All I had been through with losing my mum and other events that had transpired in my life had led me to that time and place with Chris.
We all find the answers we need in different ways--whether it be through a song, a conversation with a friend, or in meeting that person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. The trick is being patient enough to wait for that time to come. I think sometimes we look so hard for answers that we miss what is right in front of us.
Sometimes clarity comes in forms we least expect. Last September, when Chris and I were flying back from Seattle I took this photo from the plane.....

Even now when I have moments of confusion and lack of understanding, I like to look at this photo and it puts things into perspective for me. The sky, the sunrise, and the simple reminder of the beauty of God's creation brings me all the clarity I need.

This is a post for the Blog Off for Breast Cancer. Feel free to click on any of the links on the right to check out any of the other blogs involved. Also, if you'd like to make a donation to Courtney, please click on the banner below.

17 comments:

Kimmie said...

Very well spoken.

tarametblog said...

I agree with Kimmie, your feelings were well written and explained. i remember feeling that haze of uncertainty after my dad passed away. Just thinking about that time makes me relive those instense feelings.

QueenieCarly said...

This was a fantastic post, Evey. I think it's my favourite you've done so far. It really made me feel more for you and your experience than I ever have. To pack up and move like that is very gutsy. In a lot of ways I envy you. I wish I was brave enough to do that.

courtney said...

I thought I was brave for packing up and moving to Canada with Derek, but that takes the cake! It's so hard to be in a new place with nobody- I can't imagine doing it without at least one person to back me up and be there. I'm so glad it worked out well for you!

Sketti said...

Well, I was right...I didn't make it to the end without shedding at least one tear...I know this one was hard for you but I think you knocked it right on the head...it is often in times of confusion and distress that we find the clarity we've been seeking all along. We all suffer from lack of direction at somepoint in our lives...how we deal with it us up to us. E x

C~ said...

I totally get this. When I came to California, I had no one but Steve...it was so weird, but so worth it.

So, you go, sister-girl. Also? Your surprise is on it's way... :D

Jay said...

thanks for sharing, this was great.

~G said...

Running away from home....gutsy and just what you needed. It's very hard to find yourself when you're already pegged and categorized by so many people. It's true that there's no such thing as a hometown hero. Awesome story and VERY inspiring!!

Georgette said...

I jsut left you really long nice message and it got erased. I have some work to do, but will try to retype it later.
G

H. (aka. NC_State_Gal) said...

Great post. You are correct that clarity comes at the most unexpected times and with the most unexpected situations.

Jodi said...

How amazing that you found Chris through that. God certainly does know where he wants us to be. Bravo to you for listening to him.

Andie said...

Great post! My husband and children give me clarity on what is important in life.

Tammy & Jeremy said...

Great post. I remember you leaving Edmonton and the feelings you had about not being sure if it was the right move because you really didn't know anyone in Vacouver, but you make friends wherever you go. We all come realize those moments of clarity the most when we are faced with a little bit of pressure. For me the pressure was whether or not to trust any men in my life and finally I gave in and viola - I am glad I did! Jeremy was part of my clarity just like Chris was part of yours.

Andrea said...

Very nice. I love that picture, too. I think you should frame it!

Kirst said...

Again another fantastic post. I had tears in my eyes by the end.

durante vita said...

I love how you two met. I find it romantic. That may be new (meeting online being romantic) but I love it.

I also love your mention of "God's creation."

Desiree said...

That was a beautiful post!