CLARITY -- BLOG OFF FOR BREAST CANCER

CLARITY -- Clearness and accuracy of thought, reasoning and expression

This word was a tough one for me. I sat here at the computer for hours on end really struggling to find a direction. I am still not sure I have found exactly what I am looking for in regards to what I really want to say, but perhaps in my search of what to write on the word clarity I have found some clarity for myself.

I am certain we all have searched and longed for some form of clarity at different times in our lives. Moments when you so desperately need an answer and some reassurance. Clarity.

When my mum passed away in 1996 I lost all sense of clarity and understanding in my life. It was like that for a long while. I floated through my life, I had no direction and I questioned whether I would ever truly be happy. Everything I had ever known and thought seemed to be gone in an instant. Perhaps that is a feeling that only losing someone so close to you can bring about, I don't really know. What I do know is that then more than ever I needed clarity and I struggled to find it. A few years later, I finally came to the realization that to find the clearer picture I was so desperately searching for, maybe I needed to be elsewhere to do it. Somewhere where nobody knew me, where nobody knew about my mum passing away and where nobody knew of the things I had done in my life. A chance to start over, a chance to look for the answers I was searching for. A new beginning to find the clarity, the reasoning and the understanding of the events in my own life that eluded me for so long.

I packed up what I could into my little Chevy Sprint and I was off to a new beginning to an awesome chapter in my life. I didn't know it at the time, but making the decision to leave the only place I had ever known would turn out to be all the understanding I needed.

Shortly after I arrived in Vancouver, I questioned my decision to leave behind my family and my friends. Once again I felt like I had no clue. And all I wanted was a little CLARITY!

I met Chris in November 2001. We met online. He was in Seattle, I was in Vancouver. We quickly became friends, and soon after that we met for the first time and not long after that we realized that this was more than a friendship. We both realized the potential for something much more than that. And there it was, right in front of me. Through all of the confusion and trials and times where I didn't think I would ever understand or figure things out. There was my clarity. Things were clearer than they had ever been. All I had been through with losing my mum and other events that had transpired in my life had led me to that time and place with Chris.

We all find the answers we need in different ways--whether it be through a song, a conversation with a friend, or in meeting that person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. The trick is being patient enough to wait for that time to come. I think sometimes we look so hard for answers that we miss what is right in front of us.

Sometimes clarity comes in forms we least expect. Last September, when Chris and I were flying back from Seattle I took this photo from the plane.....

Even now when I have moments of confusion and lack of understanding, I like to look at this photo and it puts things into perspective for me. The sky, the sunrise, and the simple reminder of the beauty of God's creation brings me all the clarity I need.

This is a post for the Blog Off for Breast Cancer. Feel free to click on any of the links on the right to check out any of the other blogs involved. Also, if you'd like to make a donation to Courtney, please click on the banner below.