Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Happy Birthday Mum!


My mum would have been 62 today! It is crazy to think how quickly and yet how slow at the same time it seems the last 12 years have passed. She passed away just 3 1/2 weeks before her 50th birthday.

I miss her! Her birthday it seems is the day I miss and think of her the most. It is a constant reminder every year that she is not here to celebrate with. Each year her birthday is a time for me to reflect on my own life the past 12 years. All the ups and downs and all the mistakes and all the joys I have experienced. I wonder what she would think, what she would say. What she would think of where I have been and the person I am today. It is hard sometimes, I think no matter how old you are you always need your mum. I miss that connection. I miss the everyday stuff. A phone call, a cup of coffee, a hug, the little inside jokes.

I wish she could have met Chris. I know she would have loved him and been so happy I found someone who loves me as much as he does. I wish she could have lived long enough to be a grandma. My brother has 3 healthy happy boys (10, 6, 6 months) that I know she would have loved them and spoiled them rotten. I just know they would have adored her. When Chris and I eventually have our own kids I am determined to make sure they grow up knowing who she was and how blessed we all were to have her in our lives even if it was for a shorter time than any of us would have liked.

Sometimes I struggle with understanding life. Why things happen the way they do and the reasoning behind it all. But at the end of the day some things just aren't for us to understand. As hard as it is sometimes to accept, God has a greater plan for all of us. If anyone taught me about faith and trusting God no matter what, it was her. She was a living example of what true faith really is. She loved and served her God with a passionate and content heart right up until the day she died. I honestly struggle with it sometimes but I always have her voice in the back of mind reminding me of what is important.

At her funeral we played a song called See You in Heaven by a christian rock band called Guardian.

( I realize the video quality is bad and the bands hair is AWESOME, but you get the idea)

It's hard to say goodbye, my friend
But this waiting can last forever
Sooner or later the sun must set
Ending this time together
I wish that I had one more chance
To spend another day with you
And even though I know I can't
I'll see you in Heaven
I'll see you in Heaven

CHORUS:

The only thing that hurts more than losing you
Are all of the years, living without you
I wanna run back to you
And show you the life I've lived without you
Cause living without you is the only thing that hurts more than you
I see a picture of a little child
Standing alone, wondering where you are
I can't believe how this child has grown
Living this life, Sometimes so alone
Wishing I had one more chance
To have you hold me once again
Now even though I know you can't
You'll hold me in Heaven
You'll hold me in Heaven

CHORUS:

The only thing that hurts more than losing you
Are all of the years, living without you
I wanna run back to you
And show you the life I've lived without you
Cause living without you is the only thing that hurts more than you

I've let so many years of life go by
Thinking it's all worked out
Now I realize I do know how
To say that it's over
And let you go for now
Still I wish that I had one more chance
To say I love you one more time
And even though I know I can't
I'll say it in Heaven
I'll say it in Heaven

We all miss her a lot. But thank God we have that promise of being together again one day. I know she is in a much better place but it doesn't make missing her any easier.

Happy birthday Mum! I miss you everyday. We all love you more than we could ever put into words. You truly were a blessing to everyone who was honored to have known you. Thank you for sharing 19 amazing years with me!!

10 comments:

Tammy Williams said...

I never had the priviledge to meet your mother. I met you that same summer that she past away, I think, but I really wish I had. You look so much like her and I have often heard that she was a wonderful woman. It is still so hard to believe that it has been 12 years. I know she would have loved to see you get married and have children....but just remember that she sees you - just now with brighter eyes and an even more loving heart! Happy Birthday Mum Floyd! Your daughter turned out to be a wonderful woman herself!

Jodi said...

You look a lot like your Mom! Thanks for sharing her pictures with us.

I am sure she is very proud of you and so happy that you have such goodness in your life.

Amyrosedouglas said...

Thank you for sharing these thoughts Evey. I know it must be so hard especially on days like today.
I agree with these others, she has to be so proud of you. She sounds like a great woman. And so are you.

Vegas Princess said...

This was such a wonderful post and I can see how much your mom has influenced your life. She sounds like an amazing person. Happy Birthday to her! :)

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post! It literally brought me to tears, Evey. I never had the chance to meet my father's father. Just like your mum, he passed away while my father was in college. My dad has always resented that, but I know my grandpa up there with God and is so proud. I may have never gotten to meet him, but he is a vital part of my life, and I know your children will someday think the same of her. You're mum is in Heaven now, beaming with delight as to how you turned out. How blessed!

Kirst said...

Your Mom would be proud of who you are and who you have married. Thanks for the reminder to not take anything for granted.

Carmi said...

Thank you for sharing her memory with us. I believe she's smiling down on you now, proud of all you've built and the goodness you bring to those around you.

I firmly believe those who have influenced us live on in our spirit, guiding us to lead better lives. Memories are incredibly powerful, and your words pay tribute to the memory of an amazing woman.

Family Of Five said...

I think your mom would be very proud! I can't believe how much you look like her! Thanks for sharing your inner most thoughts... I know how difficult it is to be vunerable and share that side. Sending hugs your way!

Dave and Sue said...

Wow, how do i top that? Not sure i need to. You have said everything that is within my heart as well, thanks for this, you have always had a great way with words:)

Love you too MUM.

Dave

Family Of Five said...

Where are you? Thinking of you... hope you are well and had a Happy Holiday season.