Solitude

I am kinda feeling like this tree these days. It is a weird and crappy feeling. Well not actually feeling LIKE a tree, that would be weird for sure and probably scratchy. But definitely a solitary/lonely vibe going on.

It's weird because I am so used to having a lot of friends around. Back in Seattle and in Edmonton and even Vancouver I always had girlfriends to get together with for coffee or a drink. You know the kind of friend I am talking about. The ones you can just sneak away with for an hour or 2 to catch up and have some much needed girl time. I don't have that here, I never really have and lately it is really bothering me. I don't know why I don't, believe me I have spent a lot of time to try and figure out the answer. Maybe my weight issues have made me a lot more introverted than I used to be. Perhaps that's part of issue. Or maybe people just really actually don't like hanging out with fat people. I talk with all my friends elsewhere on a regular basis and that is great don't get me wrong. But there is something to be said about having people in the place you live that you feel like you can call out of the blue and just talk or go for a walk. It's weird, it's a weird place to be. And if I am being honest I totally hate it.

And yes I suppose I am feeling sorry for myself today. But Andrea told me I am allowed to feel sorry for myself today. She is very wise, in fact she knows all things. Well, at least we let her believe that. That is all....

Random Thoughts

--Dear Booger Picker,

I realize you had some sort of issue with your nose this morning and I am sorry for that. What I also realize is that there is such things as kleenex, handkerchief your sleeve even if that was all you had. But you decided instead that you would dig to your hearts content with your finger to retrieve that outrageously wrong booger that just needed to be gotten. You did not care that you were surrounded by people who were probably as horrified as I was to see what you were doing. I mean really WHO still picks their nose in public? Not that I am condoning private nose picking, but at least then I don't have to witness it. Thank God my stop arrived so I did not have to witness what you actually may have pulled out with all that hard work.

--Dear MBTA (Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority),

The 80 bazillion year old man driving my bus this morning was a little frightening. I swear we almost crashed 5 times. I suppose I should be grateful for the wake up call since I was still half asleep when I got on the bus.

--Dear stupid stupid dog owners,

I know I have said this before but I will say it again. There is this amazing invention called a PLASTIC BAG. When your precious little Fifi poops use said PLASTIC BAG and pick it up. I am not sure why people bother getting a dog but don't want the responsibility of taking care of it. If you need some tips on picking up the poop you can click HERE and read a previous post I directed at people just like you.

--Dear PETA,

Yes it is me again. You may remember me from my last post about you. Click HERE if you need a reminder. I love ice cream, I love it a lot. I thank God for cows. I love milk and again I thank God for cows. They are DAIRY cows. It is what they do. What else did you think the udders were for? Decoration? I have actually milked a cow before and it certainly was not seeming to give a hoot. So when you pitched the idea to Ben and Jerry of Ben and Jerry fame did you actually think they were going to say okay? What were you thinking they would do? Say yes and hire a factory of women to pump breast milk? It's not okay for cows to be milked but it is for women? Do you realize how much breast milk and how many women it would take to accomplish what you asked? And really, BREAST MILK? MMMMMM breast milk ice cream. Sounds scrumptious!! Again, you people are off the wall...

I think that is it for now. I am sure tomorrow there will be more things I just need to let you know about. I clearly seem to be over my blogging funk because I can't seem to stop blogging these last 4 days. Enjoy it while it lasts I suppose, who knows when it will end again.

Just Because...

Rainy Days

It rained ALL weekend. And when I say ALL weekend I really mean it. Therefore we stayed in most of the weekend. Belle has energy coming out of her ears. I suppose I could walk her in the rain but she is a wuss and walking in the rain for her is like torture. So instead she whines to go out and so we get ready to go but then you open the door and she sticks her head out and remembers the rain and back inside she goes. Anyways I got some much needed stuff done around here I have been slacking on. Also rain makes me sleepy so I am going to go to bed now.

An insightful post if there ever was one. But really, who are you to complain. Four days in A ROW now I have blogged, count yourselves lucky ;)

TV Addicts Unite

Ok, so I wouldn't really call myself an addict. But the technological age we live in allows us the freedom of recording shows on our DVR's and Tivo's and watching them whenever we have time. Ok well maybe I am an addict. But really, who are you all to judge. I know plenty of you are sucked into TV land just as much as I am and some of you are bordering on needing therapy. But I don't judge you, well not too your face anyways.

I always struggle with knowing what new shows to watch. A few reasons perplex me. One being the fact that you just never know what shows will make it. Sadly my heart has been broken oh so many times when a show I had grown to love was cancelled before it even had a chance. Then there is the shows that do make it and you waste your time watching only to realize it SUCKS!

So what am I watching new this TV season you ask?

90210: Yes I realize some of you will mock me for this. But you know what? I really don't care. The original 90210 was an important part of my life for a lot of years. I owe it to the new 90210 to watch it and give it the same chance as the original. Honestly as cheesy as it might be, I like it. Although I have to agree with Kristen those girls need to eat and get some meat on those bones.

Fringe: AWESOME! I love love love this show. It is X-fileish in it's own way. I love the characters, the acting is good and the story lines thus far have been great. I knew I would love this show since it is from the brilliant mind of JJ. Abrams. His track record is pretty darn good...Alias (my fave show ever), Lost and now Fringe.



Returning favorites:

Grey's Anatomy: Chris and I actually just watched the season premiere tonight. I just really love this show. I love that it is a drama but that it is full of one liners that constantly have me laughing. Chris and I laughed so much throughout the episode tonight. I can't seem to look away from this show. What will become of Derrick and Meredith? Will Izzie and Alex end up together? What will happen with Cristina and HOTTIE new guy Kevin McKidd? I look forward to this show all week long and I am SO glad summer is over and it is back.

Lipstick Jungle: My guilty pleasure of the week. I never got into Desperate Housewives. I really don't know why. The premise of the show just never grabbed me enough to want to watch it. But Lipstick Jungle sucked me in from the first preview. You can be sure to find me on Wednesday nights curled up on the couch with a bottle of wine watching it while Chris is off at softball. Now if only I could convince Georgette (HINT HINT) to come over and watch it with me all would be good.

Other shows I have to record on my DVR:

Survivor
CSI
LOST
Private Practice
The Office
Chuck
The Office
ER
Life

How about you? What are you watching this TV season?

Fat Be Gone

Being over weight is something I have never really gotten used to. I have hated every moment of it actually. That's probably a good thing because it keeps me determined to get to a better place eventually. I spent most of my life at 130-135 pounds. Shocking I am sure to some of you who only know me at this weight. I am not really sure what changed. But somewhere along the way I managed to slowly gain weight. One pound at a time. That is how it gets you--gradually over time. You don't pay attention and then one day you wake up and your over 100 pounds over weight. Shocking AND embarrassing.

For a long time I had the attitude that I had way too much weight to lose so why bother. My goal was to just not gain anymore weight. Which as a dog walker was easy for me to do. I didn't gain because I walked so much during the week but I didn't lose either because I was not watching what I was putting in my body.

I woke up one morning in January 2007 (the 15th to be exact) and stepped on the scale and for some reason it hit me that day more than it ever had. The number on the scale staring back at me was an astonishing 248 pounds. I was dumbfounded. That is a HUGE number. You know I think fat people sometimes are convinced they weigh less than they do. They hide the actual number from everyone around them. Like somehow we are convinced our friends and family can't make an educated guess on their own just from looking at us. But there I stood looking at a number I never thought I would see when I stood on a scale. That morning was a turning point for me. In that moment I was shocked and disgusted at how far I had let myself go from where I once was. It was devastating and I knew I had to do something.

SO... I set myself a daily calorie limit. I have never considered it dieting. To me the definition of a diet is something you do to fix a present problem. For me it has to be about everyday and changing habits. I just watched how much I ate but never denied myself of things. On top of all the walking I was doing for work I started using the elliptical everyday and I bought an exercise DVD. Before I knew it I had lost almost 50 pounds and I felt amazing. Yet somehow after Christmas last year I fell back into old habits. I didn't exercise the way I had been and I stopped worrying about what I was eating and when I was eating it. I gained back almost half of what I had lost. Disappointing yes, but it's not the end of the world. Weight loss is no different than any other journey. Ups and downs are part of the process.

So here I am. I last weighed myself Monday morning. 222 pounds. I feel like I am back on track in my eating and exercise. Perhaps I failed before because my reasons were not the right ones. I felt like I was doing it for everyone else and not me. This time it is different. I am sick of being the fat girl. I am tired of being the token fat friend and I am sure as heck sick of feeling like new people don't want to be my friend because I am fat. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me regardless if I am the size I am now or the size I was when I met him. But it isn't okay with me anymore to be this size. I miss the outgoing person I used to be. I am tired of feeling tired and tired of feeling like my weight is holding me back from doing the things I want to do in my life.

So there you have it. No use beating around the bush. Evey is back on the wagon and determined more than ever NOT to fall off. I am not entirely sure I am completely ready for the emotional journey I know this is going to be. But I do know I am ready to rediscover who I am . It isn't just about the number on the scale at the end. It could get crazy in here so brace yourselves....

On a side note. I really suck at spelling the word exercise. When I ran spell check on this post it showed up wrong every time. Why is that? Is it really that hard a word to spell? Hmmm!!

Brace yourselves, Evey is back!

Yes I realize I haven't blogged in a long time. Yes I realize I suck and yes I realize most of you don't bother coming here anymore. But for those of you who do I thought I would get back into the swing of things by telling you that there is NOTHING like the smell of fresh and stale (yes both) urine while walking through the subway station. AWESOME!!For the record guys THIS picture above is of a urinal. THAT is where you should deposit urine. I am just saying it might be a better option.

While I am at it I suppose I should also address the guy on the bus wearing very tight track pants. Not only were you wearing them you were clearly wearing them alone. That's right ladies NO underwear or boxers in sight. It doesn't help when the bus is crowded and he ends up standing RIGHT IN FRONT of where I was sitting and his crotch was eye level. There he was free as a bird. I mean I am not a guy but I would think that would not be a good thing, I would think you would want things in place and protected. Not just there for the world to see. Perhaps he just has no clue how nasty it is for a guy to walk around in sweats or track pants with nothing holding his business in place underneath. **Shudder* Then again maybe he likes things that way. To each their own I suppose, I just wish I hadn't witnessed it so up close and personal.

Back from the beach

My lack of blogging would make it seem as though we did not make it back from our vacation. Oh how I wish. I slept better down there than I have in 4 years. The king size bed may have had something to do with it but I am betting it had much more to do with the sound of the ocean lulling me to sleep like a baby.

We got home Sunday night to find that our modem was no longer working. How awesome considering we just got it at the beginning of August when we moved. Verizon was supposed to ship us a new one but the lovely lady we talked to never processed it. It will now be shipped out first thing Monday morning. Oy! So I sit here typing with a very sketchy wireless connection. I am not sure how long it will last so you will just have to wait for a post about our vacation.

I will say we had an awesome time. I have been needing a vacation, getting out of the city and not having to worry about anything or having anywhere to be. It was beautiful down there and I wish we didn't have to leave. Here are some pics to tie you over...