Happy Birthday Mum!

My mum would have been 62 today! It is crazy to think how quickly and yet how slow at the same time it seems the last 12 years have passed. She passed away just 3 1/2 weeks before her 50th birthday.

I miss her! Her birthday it seems is the day I miss and think of her the most. It is a constant reminder every year that she is not here to celebrate with. Each year her birthday is a time for me to reflect on my own life the past 12 years. All the ups and downs and all the mistakes and all the joys I have experienced. I wonder what she would think, what she would say. What she would think of where I have been and the person I am today. It is hard sometimes, I think no matter how old you are you always need your mum. I miss that connection. I miss the everyday stuff. A phone call, a cup of coffee, a hug, the little inside jokes.

I wish she could have met Chris. I know she would have loved him and been so happy I found someone who loves me as much as he does. I wish she could have lived long enough to be a grandma. My brother has 3 healthy happy boys (10, 6, 6 months) that I know she would have loved them and spoiled them rotten. I just know they would have adored her. When Chris and I eventually have our own kids I am determined to make sure they grow up knowing who she was and how blessed we all were to have her in our lives even if it was for a shorter time than any of us would have liked.

Sometimes I struggle with understanding life. Why things happen the way they do and the reasoning behind it all. But at the end of the day some things just aren't for us to understand. As hard as it is sometimes to accept, God has a greater plan for all of us. If anyone taught me about faith and trusting God no matter what, it was her. She was a living example of what true faith really is. She loved and served her God with a passionate and content heart right up until the day she died. I honestly struggle with it sometimes but I always have her voice in the back of mind reminding me of what is important.

At her funeral we played a song called See You in Heaven by a christian rock band called Guardian.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwAQUHeA9vU

( I realize the video quality is bad and the bands hair is AWESOME, but you get the idea)

It's hard to say goodbye, my friend

But this waiting can last forever

Sooner or later the sun must set

Ending this time together

I wish that I had one more chance

To spend another day with you

And even though I know I can't

I'll see you in Heaven

I'll see you in Heaven

CHORUS:

The only thing that hurts more than losing you

Are all of the years, living without you

I wanna run back to you

And show you the life I've lived without you

Cause living without you is the only thing that hurts more than you

I see a picture of a little child

Standing alone, wondering where you are

I can't believe how this child has grown

Living this life, Sometimes so alone

Wishing I had one more chance

To have you hold me once again

Now even though I know you can't

You'll hold me in Heaven

You'll hold me in Heaven

CHORUS:

The only thing that hurts more than losing you
Are all of the years, living without you
I wanna run back to you
And show you the life I've lived without you
Cause living without you is the only thing that hurts more than you

I've let so many years of life go by

Thinking it's all worked out

Now I realize I do know how

To say that it's over

And let you go for now

Still I wish that I had one more chance

To say I love you one more time

And even though I know I can't

I'll say it in Heaven

I'll say it in Heaven

We all miss her a lot. But thank God we have that promise of being together again one day. I know she is in a much better place but it doesn't make missing her any easier.

Happy birthday Mum! I miss you everyday. We all love you more than we could ever put into words. You truly were a blessing to everyone who was honored to have known you. Thank you for sharing 19 amazing years with me!!