The Battle of the Bulge

The fact that I need to lose weight is no secret. I am not exactly the picture of health and fitness. I am not putting myself down, I am merely pointing out a fact. I wasn't always overweight though, in fact I spent the better part of 20 plus years skinny. Even though I haven't always had the best of eating habits, it didn't matter because I always kept very active and was in great shape. Somewhere a long the way I became less and less active but my eating habits stayed the same. You do the math.

I think we all have that "oh I will never get fat" attitude. I know I certainly did. But the reality is, that one or two pounds here and there very quickly add up. Before you know it you're 100 pounds overweight...and feeling like crap. Don't think for one second that it cannot happen to you, because it can and I am proof of that. One of the most frustrating things I have realized is how much faster and easier it is to gain 100 pounds than it is to lose it. Gaining is super simple. Sit on your butt and eat crap. Losing, however, requires a whole world of motivation, hard work and dedication. It requires you to dig deeper to parts of you that you never knew you had. Clearly I have struggled to stay motivated and find my own inner dedication.

I suppose I could take the easy way out and take some "magic" pills or have major surgery. Oh wait--no I can't--because I am very against both of those options. While I fully realize that there are some people who genuinely need medical intervention, there are so many others who either just don't want to do the work or who simply believe they are not capable of pushing their bodies to do what is needed. I myself am learning that the human body is capable of so much more than we think. I sometimes wonder if people really understand how much they still need to change, even WITH surgery. I wonder even more why some doctors are so quick to perform such procedures like gastric bypass and lap band surgery without exploring the safer option of exercise and diet. I guess the big fat paycheque makes them so quick to accommodate regardless of the outcome for the patient. I am tired of hearing tragic stories of people dying from such procedures. And for what? Just because you couldn't be bothered to eat a salad or go for a walk once in a while. I feel the easy access to such things and the media leave people convinced it is the only option. It may be the fastest option, but it is far from the safest and so often NOT needed.

Over and over I see stories of people twice my size or even more losing hundreds of pounds the old fashioned way--with blood, sweat and copious amounts of tears. Whether it be on reality shows such as the Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, or someone at 350 pounds choosing to do the work on their own and lose over 100 pounds in less than a year. And yes it is possible because one of my best friends did just that. In January 2010 she weighed 350 pounds, but by October she was down 118 pounds. She did that in 9 months by eating right and getting off her butt and working out. What more proof do we need that it CAN be done the old fashioned way?

My highest weight ever was a few years back at 248 pounds. The last few years though, I have hovered in the 200-220 range. I have done well and gotten under 200 at times, but always seem to fall off the wagon and then end up super discouraged and I don't really ever get back on. Over the past year I have started to run again, not nearly as often as I should though. We have ran numerous 5k's and I always surprise myself at how well I am able to do even when I am so far from being prepared for it. I need to continue to push myself and do better each time.

I am once again in that place where I am ready and needing to get this weight off. I hate how it makes me feel, I know it isn't healthy and let's be honest, I am tired of not being able to wear some of the clothes I want to wear. I don't want this the easy way. I want it the hard way. I want to push myself beyond what I thought I could ever do. I want the satisfaction of accomplishing this and being proud of it. When I reach my goals, I want to be reminded of how hard it was so I never go back. It is time to finish what I have started so many times before, and I give you all permission to remind me and push me and kick me when I need it. Hopefully this time next year I will be able to blog about my success, to look back at what I have accomplished and be proud of the journey.

“Why choose to fail when success is an option?” --Jillian Michaels.

This time I refuse to choose failure. This time I will kick failure so hard in the face it won't know what hit it.