Thursday, November 03, 2011

Conquering My Fears

Everyone has fears. Some are rational and some are so far from rational it makes you wonder what truly goes on in peoples heads. My main fears I think are pretty common. First there is heights which naturally makes me afraid of tall buildings and flying. I am also a little claustrophobic so I really hate elevators. My fears are not debilitating by any means. As scared as I am to fly or get in an elevator, I will still do it. Which I suppose makes me braver than some, but it doesn't change the fact that I have been know to let those fears consume me to the point of ridiculousness sometimes. I have spent many a sleepless night leading up to a flight somewhere because all I can do is go over and over in my head all the things that could go wrong with the plane. I make myself crazy. But the fact that I will do it no matter how scared I am has to count for something.

Last month Chris and I went up to Seattle for the weekend to spend some quality time with some friends from the great white north. Saturday night we met the Queen and her boyfriend Kevin (whom we found delightful) at their swanky swankerson hotel The Arctic Club downtown Seattle and headed out for a dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. We decided over dinner that before we attended the Seahawks/Falcons (sadly Carly is a Falcons fan) game on Sunday we would go to a buffet brunch on the 76th floor of the Columbia Tower downtown. WHY oh why did I agree to such a thing? I sort of didn't, it was just kind of decided and I really didn't want to be the lame one to ruin everyone else's fun.

I will admit I had trouble sleeping that night. I couldn't turn my brain off. I was making myself sick worrying about having to go up in an elevator and spend an hour or two that high off the ground. As we were driving into Seattle the next morning the dread kicked into full gear when I looked at the skyline and realized the tallest building was where we were headed and once we got there we were headed to the top floor.

As we got closer and I started to realize how much I didn't want to go up there I started to cry. Yeah I am that much of a baby. But I put on my big girl pants, we picked up Carly and Kevin and into the building and toward the elevators we went. Inside I was terrified, my heart was racing. I did my best to look brave on the outside. I mean who wants to see a grown woman cry over a friggin elevator ride? We were up to the 40 something floor in no time where we had to get in a different elevator to take us up the rest of the way. I definitely think breaking the 76th floor ride into two parts helped me out. The ride was quick and smooth other than the fact Kevin thought he would be funny and shake the elevator as we were riding up. Had I not just met him the night before I very well may have punched him in his face.

 So there we were 76 floors above the ground. My stomach was definitely turning most of the time we were up there but I made the best of it. The shot above was the view from inside a bathroom stall. No lies, that is what I saw as I peed. Am I glad I went? Yes. Would I go again? I really am not sure. It was a beautiful view from all angles. I am thankful I experienced it but I just don't know I need to experience it again. The important part was that l conquered that fear, that day. And I got to do it while spending time with great friends. I pray I continue to be able to conquer my fears and not miss out on opportunities like that.

Maybe I need to learn to live a little more and not be so consumed by fear. Rational or irrational, no fear should ever stop you from living your life, going places and doing what you love. Maybe that is a lesson I am learning little by little. It doesn't mean I will never let the fear win, but I am sure going to try and come out victorious every time. If I don't, I will just pick myself up and try again when the next thing comes along.


Anonymous said...

You were amazing that day! The only hints you gave that you were even slightly scared were the words you spoke. You looked completely comfortable up there!

You *should* give yourself props. Fears are something most people don't ever face, let alone conquer!

By the way, that was a super fun weekend and we can't wait to do it again!

carmilevy said...

This is beyond inspiring. The fact that you pressed ahead despite your fears sends a message to us all: Do it, anyway. Because life happens but once.

Thanks for the pick-me-up. Here's to more...