17 Years

 

I read on another blog a few weeks ago that we are never given enough moments in life. How true that statement is. I think it is more apparent to those of us who have lost someone close to us. When you are in the midst of life and being with those you love I think it is easy to take it for granted without even realizing it. I know I have been guilty of this plenty in my life. I try not to, I try to appreciate the moments as they come and realize how precious and fleeting they are. I have first hand experience in the reality of having those moments taken from you.

My mum passed away from breast cancer in on November 21, 1996. Her original diagnosis was about 8 years earlier when when she was barely into her 40's. After a partial mastectomy and chemotherapy her cancer was in remission until July 1996. This time it had spread and it was terminal. Unless you have ever been faced with that news I am not sure I can ever explain how it feels. It's earth shattering.

For 4 months she fought till she couldn't anymore. She gave it everything she had and in the end it was selfish for any of us to want her to stay and fight one more day. She was ready. None of us were ready to let her go but we were ready for her to be at peace and finally be rid of the pain and sickness. I remember our last conversation so vividly it's as if it were yesterday. I remember my final moments with her the night before she passed away. I have never shared either of those with anyone and I likely never will. Those moments were for me and her and I will carry those close to me everyday for the rest of my life.

There are days I feel cheated. She has missed out on so many big moments in my life. I wish she knew my husband and I wish he could have known her. She would have loved Chris and he would have got such a kick out of her accent. She was a very special lady and I will miss her always.

You don't ever stop missing those you have lost. It gets easier as years go by, but you never stop missing them and wishing they were here. Wishing for more moments with them. Instead you are left with memories. I cherish those. I was blessed to have her as my mum. I had her for almost 19 years and I learned so much about life and who I am from her. Having her in my life made me a better person and I will be forever thankful.